It's over..

To the love of my life,

I love you. In a really big, achingly beautiful and utterly terrifying way. You have been able to make me happier than I ever thought possible, but you also have the power to break my heart without warning. I am so tired of being disappointed. I feel like these last months have been exhausting and I don’t know how much longer I can keep pulling this relationship along. Day in and day out I feel like I am holding the weight of us on my shoulders, without any help from you. Do you even care? Are you still in this with me?

It was still vivid to me the night you brought about the topic of getting married. I was so delighted when you confessed me regarding your plans. I want to support you and fulfill what your plans for us. But then i don't get it, coz you don't back it up with your actions. Moreover I discovered something that was so hard to believe..but I still gave you benefit of the doubt since i love you..I forget about what my instinct was telling me.. and just keep it to myself for two months.. 

Every time we're together I can tell by your actions that you're really not the same person I met before. And don’t get me wrong, I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to tell you that I am not happy, yet you’re always more interested to hang out with your colleagues and drink some beer (sometimes without my knowledge)..probably for you it was more captivating than me confessing that I am unhappy? I just don’t understand. How i wished and prayed to God that things will get better. But unfortunately it was going on the opposite direction..coz as time goes by we became more apart and so distant. And i can definitely say that after 39 months of being together we end up being strangers again.

Communicating became very difficult thing for me since you really don't want to connect with me. There are a million different thoughts whirling around my head and I can’t control them anymore. I’m upset. I’m heartbroken that you constantly choose your freedom and I was totally aware that you're already flirting with somebody (which is totally not my thing!). And I know that there were times while we're having trouble with our relationship she was your confidant. It was so frustrating that you chose to believe her opinions and advises rather than mine..Do you really think she knows better what's best for us? Do you even realize how much that hurts? Do you realize how my heart breaks every time you decide that you would rather make her happy than me? I am your girlfriend. You told me I was everything, yet you act like I am just another person you can piss off because I will “just get over it”. I’m not getting over it. 

You told me we needed space.. oh it was a crap..a very lame excuse.. until the very last end you prove me that you don't deserve any kind of trust.. perhaps lying is the only thing that thrills you..

You told me you want a challenge? is that a challenge..lying? flirting with other girls? How about being honest? being faithful? Making this relationship work? I guess that's more challenging.. 

I thought you're a mature person.. I thought you're a Man.. that you don't have any bad intentions.. But it turns out that you're just like any other boys.. All of my admiration is almost gone.. You know how much I want you to be my Man.. But now that you're pulling away.. I will not stop you.. go on play with the field.. coz I want a Man with plans and ambition, not a boy on a pussy-hit mission.. A man that knows that his words  are golden and so he means what he say and talks through his actions..

And again you can’t keep doing this. I want to forget you. I’ve given you too many chances. I’ve learned to trust you too many times over and over. We have never “worked out”. I’m not sure why I still think we would. You have offered me too many words of flattery; just enough to make me keep hanging on and now you needed some space to flirt with other girls. I’m done. You’re not good for me. I have to stop hearing the “when we get married”, “in two years…”, “our children will be”: those words of a future; they never will be reality. So all my hopes are gone I need to accept that things will not be right. We all know you lied. I know you never cared like you said you did. I’m finally realizing that everything you told me was a lie. I've looked so stupid for forgiving you so many times. It’s time I move on. 

I told you "you're my happiness"..but you don't care.. you don't value me anymore..It’s probably my fault coz I trusted you. Yeah..I deserve better. I’m sorry, but I can’t carry this weight anymore.

It’s over. It’s so over