struck with a bullet..

I'm still in office.. I just finished my eight hours of work.. today is like an ordinary day..
I'm waiting my colleagues..we'll be having a midnight dinner..
While waiting..I just kill the time by browsing the internet..like I always do..
I came across with another blog..I will be a hypocrite if I'll say that this was the first time I visited her blog..

This time it's different.. I just saw some photos that shocked me.. in my dismay I immediately asked for God's strength...so I composed myself..
it's not a proper place to break down..

I know this will happen..
Perhaps I'm still not ready for this..yes not now that I jaz discovered something great.. these photos just ruined everything I realized this morning..

How fast..that my wonderful realization was turned again into a deeper confusion...
And now it felt like a cold water was poured onto my face.. I felt cold that my body was like freezing...i'm pretty sure it was not from the  breeze coming from our office's aircon.. it was something from inside of me..

Just to explain further what I really feel..

I felt like I was struck with a bullet 20 minutes ago.. the moment I saw those photos..
I felt like there was something heavy on my chest that it made breathing so hard..
I felt that my heart was shuttered again into pieces..

Sigh...

I cleared my mind and take a deep breath...
Good thing that a friend is here..He also noticed what happened to me..he asked me what was wrong with me..I let him see what I saw..and he just joke about it..
And he made me feel that it was ok..
I asked him if I can punch him.. and he just smiled..
I felt some sort of relief.. he told me to listen to this song.. "six degrees of separation" by The script..

After I listened and carefully go over the lyrics.. I had an urge to blog about this.. I just want to release..
To let of the bullet..to let go of the pain..

It just hurts so much that the thigs we used to do..he's now doing it with someone new..

Reminder: it will pass.. things will ge better.. God is up there.. He knows what I feel right now... He will help me get through this..even only tonight..